Symmetry in Time
by helebette
Summary: After taking liberties with their timeline, I decided to splice together an Alex/Piper story of their pre-prison and post-prison lives together. Rated M for sexy stuff because these two are too awesome to keep apart for long. Some references to their time inside will also be made.
1. Chapter 1

2017.

Post-Prison, Piper Chapman is not the person she used to be. Which, really, just goes without saying. Her parents don't help. Well, they help financially. Otherwise, they just complain about her and relay the messages later.

Piper is less certain about what she should do with herself now that she's out of prison than she was actually _in_ prison. This surprises her.

It's boring and lonely and she can't believe it, but she sometimes misses those women who once filled her days with so much chatter. She can't tell if she's missing anything by being out or if she really did miss more by being inside. It's a conundrum. Inside or out. Which is which?

She chooses solitude for the first year. Solitude is safe and predictable and won't get her into any trouble.

Things change on a quiet Friday night as she's working on a business plan.

She mows through a pot of green tea, a packet of saltines, and she types her name and address a few times over, choosing different fonts and sizes and borders for the document.

Even though it's the night before some big weekend, she only wants the comforting confines of her small apartment. Nothing more. The outside world feels big and overwhelming, with a storm coming and a still eager crowds jostling for attention. Her phone rings and she taps the green button without looking at the caller ID.

It's a woman crying. And not just any woman. She gasps,

"Alex? Is that you?"

2003

When Piper met Alex she knew she wanted her for her own. The flirting and teasing, calling her Laura Ingalls Wilder, like a kid pulling her ponytail in class, it was all too cute, but Piper knew she'd have to make some kind of move to keep the dark haired woman's attention. She knew that if she just ordered a drink and waited, she'd lure that fireball of charisma and quirky beauty in. She ordered a margarita and smirked into it, feeling that rush of pursuing while being pursued.

They made their way back to Alex's place that night, after only a couple of drinks and a whole lot of banter.

Piper was smitten. Right from the start. And it wasn't about wealth, this fascination with Alex's world. Her loft was filled with treasures, keepsakes from the places she'd travelled to. Piper wanted to know more. She wanted to know the mysteries behind the objects of Alex's choosing. Her taste in furniture. The way she wore her hair. God, how many women had she been with? Probably tonnes. For some reason that turned Piper on as much as it sparked a jealous streak she had never really been able to control when she really, _really_ liked someone.

2017

It's pretty late by the time Piper gets her hair and makeup and clothing just right and actually makes her way outside. Alex is already sitting in the diner, looking lost in a sea of strange new/old sounds and sights. It's just sort of drizzling outside and Piper's hair and clothes are damp. When she sits down, Alex slides her glasses up, looking as terrified of this wide open world as she did stuck inside a dryer. Piper takes her hand and laces their fingers together. She can't help but remember the first time they touched and how it felt to have Alex's hands all over.

2003

That first night together, over a decade ago, completely changed Piper's world. She didn't think sex could do that. Making out on the couch and the way Alex's words snaked around her, like incense, like waves, was incredible enough. Her body was played like an instrument until she needed more and more. Alex gave and gave, making her cum again and again. Her lips were soft and full and her hands were warm and so, so good.

Orgasm number one was slow and melodic, right there on the couch.

Orgasm number two was a frantic staccato, drummed on the tip of her clit while she bit her hand to keep from screaming.

Orgasm number three was long and drawn out, in bed finally, with that tall, lean body to hold onto and those lips pressed eagerly to her own.

Orgasm number four was a furious legato, riding Alex's fingers frantically, bed squeaking in time.

Orgasm number five was deep and hot and made way for the one that came next, the one that surprised them both, the one that sent Piper wailing and squirting up and down Alex's thigh and arm. Orgasm number seven was in the shower, against Alex's mouth, more external than the first ones, and no less mind blowing.

When she tried to touch Alex in the same incredible way, she got promises of "Later," and, "Let's make this about you for tonite," but she was having none of that shit. "Now, as in now, as in please let me be inside of you, please let me taste you…" were the words she whispered in Alex's ear.

They made their way back to bed, where Piper used her leg to press down on Alex's, to pin her on her back while she explored her body. The first slick complicated feel of Alex's pussy worried Piper just a little. Would she know how to find all of the little bits and sensitive places she had going on, or would another woman's body be radically different? She touched tentatively and concentrated on Alex's mouth. Then Piper licked and kissed Alex's breasts, which…

…were just fucking _awesome_. And the sounds that that kissing evoked. Beautiful.

Then she decided to use her mouth lower and that was when she figured out a whole lot of good and important things in life.

Things like: Alex's smell made her own cunt throb. And when Piper flattered her tongue and then sucked her clit and then licked all around all wet and messily, Alex stretched her legs out, pressed her ass down into the bed, and came like a rocket.

2017

The skies clear briefly around 2am. They go back to Piper's after it becomes apparent that neither woman can keep her eyes open long enough to talk for much longer. The lights in the diner are bright but Piper can still feel herself fading. As they're walking, Alex draws attention. Even in her baggy jeans and loose black t-shirt, people want her. Piper laughs at the sharp jolt of jealousy that hits her. God. She was never this murderous toward people who pursued Larry.

When they reach her front steps, Piper says, totally casually, without blinking, "So this is me. Do you want to come in to sleep? Just to sleep. It's your first night. I don't want you to feel alone."

Ok, so maybe it isn't a great idea. Not entirely. But Alex just nods, takes off her glasses, and wipes her eyes. She waits until they're inside to completely fall apart.

2003

Piper woke Alex up with oral sex on that first morning they spent together. It started slow and tentatively, until Alex muttered her encouragement and cupped the back of Piper's head lightly.

Later, they kissed goodbye at the front door, neither wanting to be the first to ask if they'd see each other again. Alex laughed in her face and said,

"Your lips taste like pussy, you should really shower!" and then kissed her anyway, again and again, stalling their inevitable parting. They kept giggling over silly things and Alex kissed her neck in this way that just made Piper want to start again and again.

2017

They wake up the next day still clothed from the night before. Alex is burrowed into Piper's chest, her arms firmly around her. Her voice is muffled but Piper hears her clearly say, "I really, really like your boobs. They're really nice."

"I'm not your wife yet, you don't have to tell me that all the time." She'd spent part of the night lacing her fingers through Alex's hair and starts in on the same activity now. It might be compulsive, this need to groom and comfort, or maybe it's primordial.

"Yet." Alex guffaws. "You said yet." She sighs and rolls away, looking out the window. A spider has begun a kind of horizontal web. Behind her, Piper wraps an arm around her waist and looks as well. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." Alex mutters. "I wish I had a calling. Like that spider."

"You could weave webs all day and eat bugs. It would take up a lot of your time," Piper says agreeably.

"Yeah." Alex chuckles and it's lovely to hear. "I should go, Pipes." Her eyes are calmer than they were the night previous, so Piper nods.

"Call me when you're ready." Piper decides. "I'm ok with…with whatever you're ready for." Her business plan waits for her. And saltines. And an empty bed. She'll return to normalcy and they'll both be ok. Her apartment suddenly seems tiny. A run will have to be squeezed in later, shitty air quality warnings be damned.

It's when they're at the door, hugging goodbye, that Piper realizes how perfectly symmetrical their relationship is. She is completely overcome with a wave of déjà vu. So much time has passed since that first morning together, and yet no time has passed at all. It's Alex walking away from her now. An older and defeated version of the woman Piper had first fallen in love with.

Piper wonders about the next chapter in their story. She would pay a small fortune to know now what she'll eventually learn in good time.


	2. Chapter 2

Prison Daze

Alex and Piper are barely awake but still they somehow manage to stumble into the same shower stall at 5am together. Alex yawns and fumbles, hitching Piper's leg over her hip as she slides her hand lightly against her pussy.

And so, Piper's first words of the day are, "_Jesusfuckingchrist_, why do those lesbian pulp novels romanticize prison sex?"

"I know right…wish we had a bed." Alex's voice is husky and quiet. She dips her head and kisses Piper's neck, sighing as those long fingers of Piper's reach their mark between her legs.

Later, many days later, Piper will speak with Larry. She'll choose Larry over Alex, convinced that somehow the Alex of old is alive and well and that Piper still can't keep up with her.

But the Alex of old left the minute those steel doors closed on her freedom. Neither woman knows it quite yet, but Alex can no longer entertain the same delusions of infallibility—of her own wits combined with unending connections. The connections are gone. Worse, she'll have to consider hiding out for a good long-ass while after she leaves this place. Maybe she'll dye her hair. Or cut it. At the very least, she'll have to use another name. And then what?

And when she leans into Piper—first in the shower, then again in the chapel an hour later—when she lets herself sink into the woman she's loved for so long, she has to admit that_ everything_ has changed.

It isn't just the end of the business, it's the end of her freedom. Even outside of prison, she won't be free. This realization is the worst. Whether it's true or not, it's an idea that won't go away.

"Fuck." Alex fumes. It's dinner time and the food is shit and she wishes to fucking hell that she could get out of this place and go for a fucking burrito. "Fuck…fuck…fuck…" She swears again and again, staring at her food, her eyes darkening against the brightness of the sun so far beyond them. The light streams into the room and warms them. It lies.

"Hey…Alex…babe…" Piper's hands cover her own. She reads the panic. She knows that look. It's the look of someone who desperately needs to breathe but can't. It's the look a trapped animal might have, just before it starts to gnaw at its own foot to escape.

When Alex's eyes meet her own finally, the darkness dissipates for a moment. The travel and champagne and stupid little luxuries may be far away, but maybe they'll come up with another idea.

In the meantime, this is all there is. This and only this. The prison is hell but it's also a second chance.

They're alive. For now, after all they've risked and lost, being alive will have to do.

2017

Piper hears a knock on her front door while she's in the shower one morning. She climbs out of her warm refuge, throws on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, and opens the door to find Alex leaning against the frame.

"Should I have called first?" The voice is deeper than normal.

Piper grins. "Did you just get up?"

Alex nods and saunters in. "I managed to sleep for two hours. Before that, I was up for two days and two nights straight. Painting lofts for this shitty little student deal. Funny, with the tattoos and glasses, I can still pass as a student. I told them that I had taken a semester off."

They keep their distance, each still unsure about the realities of their current situation and neither willing to rock the boat by asking.

"How goes your business plan?" Alex's eyes scan the apartment even as she asks. When she finally turns those icy blue eyes on Piper it silences the other woman momentarily.

"Oh, good. I think." Piper shifts closer, letting Alex's hand touch her shoulder lightly. "Are you hungry?"

"Mhmmm, let's order Thai for lunch." Out comes a pile of cash, held in the same neat clip Piper remembers. Of course it's a new clip and a new wad of money but still…she _freaks._

"No, Alex, no!" The despair in her voice is a surprise to them both.

"Jesus, Pipes, this isn't money from drugs! Just other…things. I had friends who wanted out of the business, who would look at other options and run them by me. Teak furniture, nifty little sculptures made by birthing wasps, soap…" Alex trails off, embarrassed and blushing.

But Piper is already asking more questions. "Soap?" Her eyes narrow suspiciously. "And furniture?" At first, something doesn't fit, but Piper's mind quickly works to figure it out. Alex would have to use other people's names, mailing addresses. If she works on the delivery side of things, it might be all right. And Alex's old contacts include some amazing people. Artists and sculptors who dealt small amounts of drugs from time to time but nothing major.

"Soap is one thing. Which was what you and Polly were into, right?"

Silence. For some reason Piper's hands start to tremble. They're still scarred on the knuckles, some places more apparent than others.

"Piper? It's ok, trust me." Alex's hands cover hers and the trembling stops.

"How did you get so much money, all at once like that?" Piper looks at the wad of cash that Alex counts from.

"I sold art work to a closeted lesbian politician."

"I see." Now Piper arches an eyebrow.

"I didn't…" Alex sighs. "Ok, well, I mean, I did sleep with her. She was hot. Sort of. It didn't mean anything. Not like you have any right to ask."

"Hmmm…" Piper hums and nods and hands Alex the phone. "None of my business who you date."

"I'm not dating her. And you're being passive aggressive."

"No, I'm being jealous, there's a difference." Piper lets her voice lower. Her lips quirk upward and she practically bats her eyes. So fucking obvious, but it works.

For a second, it looks like Alex might jump across the couch at her. Instead, she just grins and lets her fingers trail over Piper's shoulder before taking the phone.

They talk about the job market over noodles and spicy tofu. It's a relief in some strange way, to just admit that it's all pretty shitty.

"You were right," Alex says around a mouthful of veggies. "I can't just get a job. And not because neither one of us can picture it, but because I fucking _can't_. With my record, no fucking way. No employer will take me. Except for small, menial jobs and even then, I'm scrutinized like nobody's business. This online shit is perfect." She pokes around in a container and finds a sprig of broccoli.

"I've been living off of my parents for years." Piper admits with a shrug. She scowls. "Dammit, that sounds terrible."

The look Alex gives her is completely impossible to read. They eat in silence and Piper turns on her computer to watch a movie. After it's through—and they manage to rile each other up completely by sitting inches apart but making no moves to get any closer—Alex breathes out hard and says in a shaky voice,

"I should go. I mean…or…"

_Or_. What does or mean? Old traps. Though, Piper doesn't want to think of herself as a trap exactly. Just…old patterns. Right. She blinks in a haze as Alex leans close to brush her lips against Piper's cheek then practically leaps off the couch and rushes from the apartment.

Three days later, Alex calls and invites herself over again. She shows up in clothing that is completely covered in white paint spatters. Her hands are also covered and she looks exhausted.

"Whoda thunk it," Alex rolls her eyes and hands Piper a bag of Chinese food. "I'm painting the same kinds of places I used to party in. _Live_ in."

That's the last straw. Piper sees a smear of paint on one of Alex's earlobes and it propels her even further. "I'm so fucking proud of you." And she is. Absurdly so. She leans and kisses Alex's cheek. Nuzzles her jaw briefly and pulls back as quick as she can. "You're doing great, Alex."

This time, Alex stays long after they eat. It's late into the night when Piper glances away from her computer to see her former girlfriend reading by the window. She fiddles with the music on her computer and chooses something quiet. The Stampeders. Cheesy, but _Carry Me_ reminds her of the time they drove thirteen straight hours through Vermont. The song makes Alex smile.

Piper is inspired to write a paragraph about the ecology of hope. She doesn't know why, but the phrase is stuck in her head suddenly, from somewhere, and she decides to relate it to the experience of incarceration. To resilience. To women creating family wherever they are. Maybe, she figures, she can relate it to her new plan—to sell therapeutic bath and body care products in old age homes and hospitals. The words rush toward a re-telling of her time with Red in those first weeks of prison.

When she's done, she springs back from her computer, bare feet sliding on the floor, and exclaims out loud.

"What?" Alex calls out softly.

"I'm just…I'm writing my own story now." Piper's voice tightens around a sudden lump in her throat.

"That's good, Pipes." Now Alex is behind her chair, her hands on Piper's shoulders. She kisses the top of her head and inhales sharply. "You sound better already."

2004

Meeting Alex's mom was sort of terrifying, until Piper made herself useful. She put a pot of tea on and shooed Alex outside to sit on the balcony with the older woman. It was 10am, that first and last day, but still Alex breezed back into the kitchen against orders, grabbed the martini shaker from the top of the cupboards, and started throwing together two extra dry shaken gin concoctions with extra olives in both.

Her mother smoked and chattered on about Alex's amazing accomplishments—thinking that she imported rich shit from Europe (that was her general sense from the sounds of it). And Alex just beamed as she handed her a martini. They snickerd about the people on the street below and her mom told her how awesome she was, again and again. Piper could see Alex light up from deep within.

Alex's mom was wary of _her _though. Piper just looked down at her mug of tea and smiled sweetly, ignoring the rising dread, like a headache in her third eye or something new age-y like that.

The problem was that she could totally see herself walking away from Alex. Not because she wasn't crazy about her, it was just some weird instinct.

That night, Piper and Alex slept together in the small, cramped guest room and Piper's dreams were terrible. In every one of them, she snuck out, only to run into Alex's mother in the hallway.

They were already packed and so they left from the small townhouse to go to Bali the next morning.

In Bali, Alex treated her to a suite with a giant hot tub. They fucked in every conceivable position in that tub. Piper was particular fond, years later, of the memory of being bent over while Alex licked her everywhere from behind. She actually used the memory as inspiration during masturbation when she couldn't get to sleep. Once, she even sorted through the memory while fucking another person. It wasn't her best moment but it worked with a particularly bad lover.

They fucked a lot on that trip in fact. Alex wanted her naked often. She pressed her to the floor, to the bed, to the sandy beach outside in a small secluded spot. When Piper wanted time to herself, time to read or even just talk with other people, Alex just drew her closer.

And there were early glimmers of something, some anxiety in Piper. Deep down. That she'd end up fighting for her autonomy in the relationship. That Alex was a tsunami she had to stand strong against if she was going to maintain her own identity.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: First of all, super duper thanks for the encouraging reviews! It's good to know that the story I'm rather obsessively writing right now is making sense. Ok, so I read this theory somewhere, that maybe the whole face punch scene in the finale was a dream and I loved the theory. For this story though, I'm going with the assumption that it was a real fight and secondly, that Piper made her way out of it somehow. The prison higher ups are so intent on covering their own asses in the show that I figured why not presuppose that they'd just wash their hands of the fight altogether. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it**** cheers all!**

Prison Daze

Not talking to the person you most want to talk to is shitty for all involved. Alex sees Piper wandering the halls like some angry livewire. Her gaze is steady and dark, her hands are still bruised and some of her fingers are wrapped in white tape. Nicky huffs, "She looks like a boxer. Your ex is turning into some UFC dyke." Alex just pretends to laugh.

Ever since Pennsatucky and Piper return, various women accompany Piper on her laundry runs. Poussy and Taystee follow one day, Morello the next, and Diaz (the mother, not the obviously pregnant daughter) the day after that. The women are diplomats—representatives all taking it upon themselves to send a message that Chapman isn't to be touched. They're even. It's done. It's an homage of sorts. Everybody paying their respects to Piper for stepping up. Alex takes their laundry silently. She knows that her name is implicated in this little game, because Pennsatucky and her band of assholes don't say shit to Alex for days on end.

Alex tries not to get caught watching Piper—staring at her like some lovesick puppy. But she glances over her glasses every morning as she and Watson walk in from the track. Piper showers, quiet and quick, avoiding Alex's eyes as she enters and exits the washroom.

Sophia was the first person to take care of Piper when she returned from her post-Pennsatucky punishment so she spends a lot of time in the 'salon'. Alex watches as deep and unlikely friendships form. Piper wandering the grounds with a former firefighter, and a nun—it could be the start of a joke, Nicky is the first to decide.

Nicky, who soothed Alex's broken heart first, sneaks into her bunk to get her off quietly at least a few times a week. Alex lays with one hand behind her head and returns the favor, lazily sliding two fingers between the other woman's legs.

And the time just goes by.

There are other newcomers of course. The revolving doors don't stop for anybody.

One woman, Haskie, is particularly interesting. She's gorgeous. Black hair and light brown skin and a body that is all muscle and soft curves in all the right places. Alex sees Piper looking as well. Especially after this new woman makes some big speech at breakfast about liking men and liking women and not being entirely certain that she's supposed to be held to anybody's bullshit dichotomies on the subject.

Haskie and Piper sneak away to the chapel at least half a dozen times in three days and Alex tries to pretend that it doesn't hurt like fuck. Nicky jokes at first about Haskie's prostition ring and how much experience she must have, but one look at Alex's face halts the teasing.

Things calm down between them though. Haskie takes up with Sophia after Sophia's wife brings divorce papers to visitation, and something big happens there. So Piper goes back to her loner status, this time with an actual smile on her face.

Which is actually_ nice_. It undercuts any lingering jealousy. Alex takes her laundry one day and their eyes meet. Piper doesn't look away. Her shoulders don't slump. They smile tentatively at one another and Alex finds herself defending Haskie an hour later against Pennsatucky's latest cause.

"The whores need to be freed from their own sin!" is the dangerous tail-end of the rant. 'Freedom' means some sick fucking attack, and Alex knows it. She turns on the now pearly-toothed Pennsatucky and surprises them all with a big speech about the kinds of people Jesus actually kept company with. Not that she's any kind of born-again, but for some reason Alex feels passionately about the other woman's need to exclude people from her definitions of godly love.

It shuts the laundry room up and creates a lovely, lingering silence.

That night, when Alex welcomes Nicky to her bed, she just holds her. The wandering hands are pinned down and she nudges the other woman until they lay side by side. It isn't love between them and they both know it. Alex also knows that Morello has begun sending those familiar lovesick looks toward Nicky.

They talk quietly and Nicky says something really weird. She says,

"You can't just like, or love, one person in this life. You have to be open to the possibility that somebody other than Piper Chapman will matter." Nicky turns until their eyes meet and adds with a smirk, "I'm not talking about me here. I know you like me. You and I are going to stay friends after this shit is done." Then she turns back and pats Alex's hand, squeezes her arm quickly, and slides off the bunk.

Alex stays awake for a long time, thinking about those words. She turns restlessly onto her back and wonders how Piper is sleeping. Rumor has it that Piper is working toward a legal degree after worrying incessantly about some of the other inmates' appeals. Alex tries not to be too impressed—or too turned on—at the sight of her ex pouring over books in the library when she makes it there. But fuck if Piper's brilliant little brain doesn't turn Alex on as much as the rest of her.

Piper had asked what they would do when they got out. The pottery studio in Vermont is starting to look pretty fucking nice. Doing drugs on a beach somewhere with strangers in drag…well, that's starting to look less and less appealing. Especially when Alex sees Piper across the room and remembers her reprimand. That drugs were ruining everything good about her life. The drugs sent Piper out the door and into jail, nearly killing her. Nearly killing the one person Alex cares about anymore.

Funnily enough, it's Nicky who drives the point home. The next morning when they sneak into the utility closet after seeing both of their 'other women' half-naked in the showers, Alex presses her lips to the scar that speaks to Nicky's survival.

"Just say no, right?" Nicky grunts as Alex's fingers work inside of her. "I'm a walking…ugh…_right there_…a walking…"

"A walking public service announcement?" Alex finishes weakly. Their eyes meet and Nicky nods.

"Yeah and fuck your guilt complex. I'm alive. And _I'm_ the one did enough drugs to kill an elephant and half its family."

Alex laughs but the sound is jagged and hollow. When Nicky demands an orgasm she replies and gives as good as she gets in return.

2017

On one cold day in November, Piper finds herself wondering if her absurd ruminations about pottery studios in Vermont weren't all that far off. They're painting a small shop—Piper and Polly's new business venture together—and Piper catches herself staring at Alex as she studies the careful lines of the crown molding. For a second, Piper knows—_knows_—that they were always meant to be here. Like this.

Their Parole Officers visit, each just taking notes silently before leaving without a word.

Polly and Alex are also silent and wary of one another.

But then the dam breaks, when Alex takes off for an hour to pick up supplies. Polly claps her hands delightedly when Alex returns with a friend and brings in beautiful teak chairs and tables from his storage space. They take some time to unload a truck out front and then Alex and Piper leave Polly to rearrange things and squeal some more.

The shop, rent paid by Piper's mother to start, will specialize in therapeutic oils, soaps, and feature a massage therapist in the back. An actual professional, someone Polly has known for a few years, partners with them. In the day to day operations, Polly will take over and Piper will take care of promotions and travel—including a trip to federal prisons to hand out samples and talk to the women about self-care.

"I'm going to write the bar exam." Piper mutters sleepily, later that night. They had each pushed themselves, not only to get the shop ready, but to fulfill other work requirements. Alex is doing some kind of mysterious community service initiative but she refuses to discuss it.

Piper yawns and swipes at her nose with the back of her hand. They're laying side by side, facing one another, wearing underwear still. It could go either way. Sex or sleep. Piper isn't sure which she wants just yet. They haven't done it yet and it's been months since Alex got out. Her mind wanders to some small edits on her business plan. Alex is thinking about something overly serious though. She can tell. "What is it…"

"Remember that psycho Pennsatucky?" Alex asks.

"Yeah?" Piper lets the wariness seep through in her tone. This can't go anywhere good.

"What did she say to you. to make you snap like that?"

"She threatened me." Piper scowls and tries to tamp down the growing anxiety that this line of questioning inspires. Play it cool. But Alex will not give up.

"You hit her repeatedly. Out of anger. Not just out of self-preservation." Alex's finger tips are gentle against Piper's cheek, trailing down over her neck. It takes awhile for Piper to answer.

So Piper thinks about it. "Dogget said I wasn't worthy of anybody's love. Not God's, not anybody's. Something about the way she said it just…" She blinks back angry tears and swallows hard before continuing. "…just made me feel such despair. And then I was furious."

Alex stares at her, her face giving away dawning realization. She rolls on top of Piper and kisses the tears that roll down her cheeks. Kisses her face again and again and again.

"I'm sorry I implied that Larry was some kind of change in my identity, or that I was negating our life together." Piper sniffles and closes her eyes against the lips that press to her cheeks. Her hands tangle in Alex's dark hair.

Alex mutters, "I'm sorry I didn't take you out for cappuccinos and read the Sunday paper like a normal girlfriend should have," and shifts so that she can wrap her arms more tightly around Piper's body.

"You were paying for my clothes, what else could you do?" Piper stops and meets Alex's eyes for a long moment. "Listen, Alex…" She starts but falters. There has been too much bullshit between them and she wants to say something right. "I just…I just want to tell you…how sorry I am about your mother. And about walking out the way I did."

"Well…" Alex's expression shifts from hurt to actually angry looking but then back to the calm and caring look she's been giving all night. "I suppose we could spend a lot of time apologizing to one another. Let's leave it at three for the night, ok?" She dips her chin down and presses her face against Piper's neck.

Piper has no doubt that they've got a way to go, but that they're at least moving forward. It's good enough. With Alex's weight in her arms and her breath against her neck, it's at least good enough.

2004

There was a night in Seattle when it finally manifested.

_It_, being Piper's infamous temper and _it_ arose in response to Alex's stupidly demanding career choices.

Years later, Alex would tease Piper about her mandatory anger management classes, but if the woman tried to skip them, Alex would be the first to make her go.

After being left pretty much on her own—during what was supposed to have been a cozy little vacation with her girlfriend—Piper decided to walk along the waterfront. Their hotel room was growing cramped, stuffy, despite the stiff breezes that rattled the pages of her book out on the balcony. She ended up in a pub, where she drank tequila alone. Ignoring the interested looks she received, Piper stumbled toward a cab and got herself back to their hotel room.

When she returned, she saw that Alex was back also. Only it wasn't just Alex, it was Alex and like twenty of her fucking druggie friends.

Piper took a moment, staring blankly from the doorway, clutching her little black purse (she was wearing the white silk Gucci dress that usually got Alex all wound up and dammit if she wasn't _still_ being ignored) so she just stood there, fuming and thinking too hard about whether this shit was really what she wanted from life…

…and then she proceeded to_ throw_ everything she could get her hands on.

Apparently that's what she did anyway, since the memory was kinda blocked out after that night. There were two women in particular who earned her frustrations. Ines and Char, two of Alex's regulars, had made no effort to hide their disdain toward Piper's relationship with their 'boss'.

And those two now had the audacity to actually laugh. Which made things worse.

But Alex got to her just as Piper prepared to clock someone for making fun of the 'little wife', grabbed her around the waist, and carried her to the bedroom.

"Cool off, I'll get rid of them, ok?" Alex growled the words. Twenty minutes later the music was turned up and Piper stormed to the bathroom, locking herself in. By the time she woke up again, the party had ended and it was 3am. Alex, finding the bedroom door blockaded, had fallen asleep on the couch. That was where Piper found her girlfriend, splayed out in her dark navy dress, hugging a pillow with a scowl on her face.

Standing in the darkness, Piper took a moment to think about why she'd snapped. It was fear. Totally, totally fear based. She watched the blinking green light on the hotel phone and tried to swallow the feeling.

There was only this moment. And in this moment, Piper needed to fix things with Alex. _Her_ Alex. Not any of those other women's…well, whatever. She'd won. She wasn't just another silly girl. She was in this. In it for the long haul, whatever that might mean.

Alex turned in her sleep, flopped onto her back and stretched one hand over her head. It was easy to negotiate that space between them, because Piper had done so before. Alex teased her for her stupid temper, but always looked a little amused by it. Once, she'd even said, "I know you'd have my back in a really big fight. So. It's all good."

Fuck. Alex just loved her. No matter what.

That thought made Piper's heart hammer in her chest. She noisily removed her clothing and stumbled around doing so, while Alex struggled to wake up. Finally, Piper just straddled her lover's hips and kissed her neck and chin and jaw…

"Baby, take this off," Piper said by way of apology, hiking Alex's skirt gently. "I'm sorry I freaked. I just wanted time with you. Only you."

Alex hummed and smirked, cracking one eye open. "Sorry, I've just been so busy and so stressed…Sorry I didn't call first…" she muttered the words sleepily before leading Piper's hand down and between her thighs. The first touch of her was dry, smooth warmth, but it didn't take long before the gentle touches and deep, wet kisses inspire similar wetness against Piper's fingers.

Piper lay atop her, fully naked, writhing sensuously, while Alex dipped in and out of her pussy from behind. Piper shifted onto her knees and scooted up to Alex's chest so the angle worked better, and slid one long finger into her girlfriend, reaching back to do so.

Which…_fuck_…felt amazing. Piper knew what people said about her. That she was experimenting. She knew that some of her so-called friends were waiting for her to 'go back to guys'. But she loved Alex and she wanted Alex. And how could she be straight if she liked Alex's pussy so much, really? Sometimes she thought things like this but just wrote about them because it was sort of embarrassing how turned on she could get by eating her girlfriend out. She liked boys and she liked girls and didn't see the issue with it. Because most of all, she _loved_ Alex. And when Alex clenched around her fingers and moaned her name, still fucking her so perfectly, still holding her so close, her lips humming against her nipples, back and forth, sucking and pressing all the right places until she cried out and came harder then she'd ever cum for anyone…

…Piper knew she'd do fucking anything for this woman. She'd even leave if she had to. Sometimes she thought things like that. That she'd do whatever it took to save Alex from herself. That she'd leave if she had to in order to save what was good about their relationship.


	4. Chapter 4

2005

As busy as Alex always seemed to be, the universe did occasionally lift the burden from her shoulders, freeing her up to entertain her girlfriend.

They were in on a Saturday afternoon, detoxing their internal organs from an overly exciting Friday night, when Alex got the first of a series of panicked emails from a member of the ring. She was stuck in Singapore and her boyfriend had dumped her or some shit, taking off with a significant amount of her money. Alex sent her what she needed and pushed away from the computer. Piper was splayed on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Hardly up there with global warming as far as crisis can be measured," Alex joked, sliding her glasses up and off. She tugged Piper's hand, tilting her head to the side. She seemed to think something over for a long while, spared a glance back toward the computer, and finally shrugged.

"Fuck it, let's just order lesbian porn and Chinese food."

Piper's squeal of delight could be heard from the hallway.

Their apartment was massive. Still, Piper had asked that Alex buy a huge tub to go with it all. It was big enough for both to sit comfortably, but Piper insisted on inhabiting Alex's lap instead of moving away. The tub was filled with scented oils that Alex continually poured atop Piper's shoulders.

"I love this." Piper chattered. "Chinese food and lesbian porn. And a bath at four in the afternoon." Her hands splayed atop Alex's knees.

"Better than reading the Sunday paper and drinking coffee." Alex stated thoughtfully.

"We do that sometimes. Read the paper, drink espresso…" Piper drew the 'o' out with a grin. "What do you mean? Like suburbia. Better than suburbia?"

"Yeah." Alex nodded and scrunched her nose. She ran her palms over Piper's breasts, kneading gently but rhythmically in a way that usually got Piper all arching against her and jutting out. It worked. She smiled and kissed Piper's neck, lowering her palms to her belly.

"We've got our own routines. We've got our own nesting habits. Don't try to deny it." Piper chided jokingly. She shimmied backward again, smirking when Alex gasped.

"Habits, huh?" Alex's voice was all husky and lustful. She held Piper close, thinking something over again. "Hey, let's try something,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You, out, side of the tub." As she talked, Alex searched for a new razor in the small shelf against the wall. She met Piper's eyes and held her gaze. "Trust me." It was a statement and a question, rolled into one. The first touch of the razor was cold, meticulous, but then the steel warmed. Piper's eyes were wide the whole time.

An hour later, Piper found herself on the bed, fully shaven, clean, and utterly turned on as Alex ate her thoroughly. Almost deliriously, like they were at it for the first time. Which they weren't.

"I like being able to lick all of you. Suck all of you into my mouth." Alex squirmed against the sheets then returned to what was at hand.

"Oh fuck, fuck…uhhhhhnnnnnnn…" Piper could only babble and stare at the ceiling. She nudged Alex's head away after a minute longer, sensitive and overwhelmed. "Hey, babe, come here…" She pulled Alex into her arms, feeling the strip of hair her girlfriend kept on her own pussy, brush slightly against her sex. She shivered and laughed. "God, that's…that's a lot Alex. Wow…"

"Too much? Is that domestic enough for you? Routine enough for you?" Alex rotated her hips slowly, using her thigh to spread Piper's hips apart.

"No, I mean. Yes. I mean. What?" Piper stammered and nuzzled dark hair. "Domestic would be food. Soon."

"Soon…" Alex husked, moving faster. She shook and moaned quietly, letting her own pleasure be a prelude to more of the same for Piper.

After their food arrived, they found a decent pay-per-view porn that they could both get into. Of course that meant making fun of it constantly. Piper wasn't sure she'd laughed so hard in her life.

They switched to The L Word which also evoked laughter, mainly at the theme song. And Jenny. And, actually, at Bette and Tina. They pretty much just psychoanalyzed everyone and made fun of them. It was hilarious, even when Piper wondered aloud about their mutual sense of superiority.

"We've got our issues, I'm sure. We'll deal with them over time, right?" Piper honestly wondered. Things seemed fine. She seemed fine. And Alex was just Alex. Always Alex. Always consistent and caring and maybe a little bit sneaky at times.

But Piper always knew. She always knew when Alex was weaving one of her little spells. She saw through it all, but she did what was asked of her. Because she knew that Alex loved her and only her. She also knew that Alex needed to cover up her anxiety with that kind of behavior. Piper had to play a role. Alex had to play one also. Then, when the work was through, they could be alone. Nothing but the two of them and the love they had for one another. And for a time, that would be more than enough.

Prison Daze

Ok, so they both suck. It's fucking official.

A covert narcissist and a ruthless, manipulative pragmatist.

So why can't Alex decide between cutting all ties to one Piper Chapman, or just fucking giving in and_ being_ with her…or _whatever_.

Alex falls into a nocturnal state. She imagines herself as she was in noisy all-night diners. Reading all night. Except she can't have espresso or the occasional smoke or conversation with anybody but herself. And there's no Piper waiting for her in bed. No sleepy smile and soft limbs. No willing body and moaning consent when Alex rolled atop her.

She could remember their second ever date. The first date was just sex, so the second was something altogether different. Alex hadn't been sure about her own intentions. Was she courting this woman? Or trying to get her into the business only?

Piper had asked questions about her mom and she'd been sympathetic about the topic of daddy dearest. They'd shared a plate of fries and had chocolate milkshakes. Afterward, they'd walked to Alex's place. Piper had been going through a Cuban music phase and set up a play list on the computer, piping it into the apartment. They'd danced and laughed and shared a bottle of red wine before kissing on the balcony.

And there had been signs, all through it. Piper listened so intently. She'd obviously trained herself to do so. But she related everything back to her own worries, her own concerns. When Alex discussed her work, she'd read a willingness on Piper's part to do just about anything so long as it eventually worked out in her own favor. No problem. She could get her to run money. Then she'd bribe her with trips and food and _this_. This intimacy, this deliberate fast paced dance.

Except it would blow up in both their faces. Falling in love. With one of those rich girls. A fucking debutante no less.

And Alex did love her. Because Piper wasn't just another silly girl. She had depth. There was a darkness beneath those smooth lines and easy smiles. It was her darkness that pulled Alex in. Winding around her, tugging on her heart.

2017

It's two days before the first official day of Winter when Piper decides that it would be a fun idea to go camping at her brother's land. She calls Polly and convinces her to come.

"I'll come but on one condition. I'm allowed to drink too much whiskey and I don't have to bring my family." Polly speaks fast.

"That's…weird, but ok. Yes. A girl's weekend with my brother." Polly replies. She's opening a bag of her favourite chocolate almonds when Polly adds,

"And Alex, of course…"

"You two are getting along, right?" Piper drags the last word out, waiting for a sign. She gets a "Yeah, sure," in return and smiles, having gotten her way.

She and Alex take the beat up Ford Mustang Alex insists on keeping in the city. She'd gotten the car from another old friend, and Piper doesn't ask questions. Piper also doesn't ask why Alex cut her hair an inch and dyed it blonde the month previous. Now the favored dark dye has made its comeback, but Alex covers it all with a green military cap with a small red star on the front, which she wears to piss people off mainly.

It's a nice drive, once they get out of the city. Alex leans one arm on the door and rests her other hand on Piper's knee. More than once, Piper catches herself studying Alex's profile. It's always like she's seeing her for the first time and just can't get over it somehow.

Cal's wooded paradise, as he calls it, already has a roaring fire going. The ground isn't snow covered yet. His partner is back at her parents' for the week, but he's happy to play host by himself.

He immediately waves Piper inside his trailer and shoos Alex out to the fire where Polly waits. She'd taken a rental at Pete's insistence. An SUV which just cannot be good for the environment.

"He worries even more than I do sometimes." Polly rolls her eyes and sits daintily in a camping chair next to Alex. They are on good terms, but there are still things to talk through, and it's obvious that Piper wants them to do just that.

Alex shifts their chairs closer to the fire and quietly adds a few logs. She pours the tea that Cal left for them and hands the mug over. They sit in amicable silence for a long time, watching the fire and generally trying to stay warm.

Then Alex blurts out, "I'm sorry I didn't get your name right when I first met you." Her eyes flit upward to meet Polly's briefly. She bites her cheek and then adds, "I've had a lot of time to think about the things I'm sorry about." They hear Piper and Cal running out of the trailer. Piper is insistent that the woodpile Cal has is drawing vermin or something.

"Are you sorry you got my best friend thrown in prison to save your own ass?"

Alex glances over her shoulder to where Piper and her brother are still arguing about the woodpile outside of the trailer before slamming back inside. They're laughing though. Alex smirks and shakes her head, returning to the conversation at hand. "Ummmm…yeah. I am, actually."

Polly takes a deep, impatiently breath. "But…"

"But." Alex sighs. "I wouldn't have seen her again. Ever. So in a way, I don't regret it. I love her. I know that loving someone means letting them go, but…" She meets Polly's eyes. "Yeah. Never been my strong suit."

It's an _hour_ later, when Piper and Cal finally join them.

"What the fuck you two." Alex pretends to fume but she's happy to take the tray of food they bring while Cal rushes around throwing heaters behind them all in a big circle. When he plugs the heat lamps on at once, a big spark shows by the end of the extension chord and he giggles at it.

"You two ok?" Polly asks suspiciously.

"Oh, shit, I should share." Cal smacks his thigh and then rushes back to his trailer. Then he comes out with a pot of tea he calls his 'special mushy brew'.

"It's mushrooms." An already narrow-eyed and oddly smiling Piper says. Twice. Then she says it again. Then she giggles in a kind of out of control way.

"I thought I left my toddler at home?" Polly says with a roll of her eyes. Alex also waves the offer of tea away and watches warily as Piper and her brother pour two more cups for themselves.

Her brother just keeps elbowing her and saying, "You're a debutant!"

Piper just nods and mouths "My eggs are old. I'm a debutant with…old eggs…and a criminal record…" This last part makes her giggle again for a long time. Then she stops and stares at the lights for a long, long time in silence. "It's like the sun came down to visit us." She whispers. "The sun is no longer a yellow grape, now it's a heat lamp and jagged orange fire…"

"Oh dear," Polly says mildly. But she and Alex exchange a look that isn't lost on Piper.

"You two have something in common now!" She squeals at them and squishes their faces in her hands.

"Yeah, we're both sober. Have fun with your brother babe, we'll be here when you get back." Alex kisses her palm quickly before gently extracting her hands.

Fun for Cal and Piper basically means waving around a few sparklers he brings out for the occasion of her 'prison break', and a whole lot of giggling. Polly and Alex just enjoy the fire and the cool, outdoor air.

"It must be nice for you to be out here…" Polly starts, then grimaces at her own rhetorical question.

"Yeah, it's amazing." Alex thinks about it. "You know, it always struck me as odd, that the payment for the ultimate freedom would be the ultimate lack of freedom. You know?" Her eyes are cool, appraising, but not unkind when they meet Polly's. "And yet this feels like the best kind of freedom. Out here. With her."

It's late and it's dark—especially in the woods around Cal's trailer, given focal point of the fire—when Alex catches Piper yawning and stretching, finally tired out. She tilts her head and Piper follows easily, a lazy smile on her lips. Piper kisses her best friend on the top of her head and waves at her brother with a quiet "G'night."

Their sleeping bags are intended for extremely cold weather but they snuggle close in addition, both wrapped up like mummies with hats still on.

"Hey Alex?" Something suddenly nags at the back of Piper's mind.

"Yeah Pipes."

"Have you _ever_ thought about kids?"

Alex mutters, "Not really. But do you wanna talk about it when you're not high?"

Squashing down some weird surge of anxiety, Piper grows quiet. Behind her, Alex settles in closer, kisses the back of her neck, and extracts one of her arms from the sleeping bag to wrap around Piper's waist. Piper grabs the hand that cups her torso and lifts it to her lips, kissing it again and again.

That night, Piper has an intense dream about sex with Alex. She's not entirely sure that it wasn't real, for a good five minutes after waking.

But Alex is breathing softly next to her, fully clothed and all.

"It's fucking cold." Piper mutters. She shivers and decides she's really gotta pee so she clambers out of her sleeping bag halfway and falls out of the tent after unzipping it just enough to do so.

"You're an idiot." Polly quips from the fire where she's already sipping coffee and keeping an eye on veggie sausages and potato hash that browns slowly in a cast iron hanging over the flames. She looks content as Cal tops up her mug and hands her a bowl of fruit salad.

After Piper returns from a trip to the woods, to freshen up and brush her teeth, she shoves a chair next to Polly and huddles close. Then she hisses,

"I had a dream that I was trying really hard to convince Alex to let me fuck her in the ass."

Polly puts her spoon down and starts laughing really, really loudly. She keeps laughing as Alex comes stumbling from the tent.

"What are we ummm…talking about?" Minutes of silence pass, Piper still looking flabbergasted, Polly looking amused, and Cal looking oblivious because he'd thankfully been in the trailer when Piper had revealed her dream. Alex pulls a chair close as well, on Piper's other side.

"Nothing." Piper says.

"I have to tell her." Polly laughs. "I have to. You have to. One of us does."

"Later." Piper scowls. Cal just nods knowingly at her. He's familiar with his sister's quirks and doesn't want to know a damn thing about anything.

"I think I just had a dream about controlling you. Or something along those lines." Piper waves a hand dismissively in Alex's direction.

Alex's eyes are intent on hers. The thought of it—she'll admit much later—is almost a relief. Piper in control of the situation. "Yeah?" Alex says. "I suppose that could work."

"Good. You've just consented to something I refuse to let my husband near." Polly laughed again, her eyes flitting between Piper and Alex. She and Cal exchange some enigmatic look.

"Shit!" He just kind of shouts the expletive. The women look at him, startled. "Nothing." He's quick to add. "Nothing. I'll tell you all in exactly three months. Ok? Ok." He wanders away, grinning and muttering, while Alex plunks herself at Piper's feet and leans against her awhile.


	5. Chapter 5

2006

What should have been a routine operation in and around Java, with networks of upper-crust women tourists running heroin and money throughout the island as well as Madura, ran into a snag when the operation's major organizer had to sit on the sidelines.

"My girlfriend is sick." Alex could be heard hissing into her phone.

In the throws of another session of throwing up followed by drinking bottled water, followed by something Piper wouldn't discuss in polite company, Piper also heard Alex say something about 'not being as expendable as mutter-mutter thought.'

There was a bit of fear then, but it was quickly overshadowed by the need to throw herself into a hot shower yet again.

When she emerged, groaning and rubbing her stomach, wearing just a sarong because she knew the cycle would begin again soon enough, Alex handed her a bottle of orange flavored Gatorade.

"Why do you shower after every bout of explosive…" Alex laughed as Piper slammed a hand on her mouth. She kissed that hand and brushed blonde hair over Piper's ear, gazing adoringly at her.

Their trip hadn't been that bad until the stomach virus hit.

The scuba diving part had been fun. Beyond fun. Piper had taken a selfie surrounded by schools of red and yellow and orange fish and for whatever reason, it had made her feel connected to the world in a way she'd never quite experienced. A hung-over and grumpy Alex had listened to the story a hundred times, smiling in some mysterious way at the notion that they had had to come to Indonesia to find their white-ass selves. But still. It all made Piper happy and that made Alex happy.

They were on a private beach, Piper in her flimsy white cotton shirt atop an electric blue string bikini. Alex kept returning to the ocean, hoping that the salt would detox her quicker. When she returned after a quick swim, Piper's eyes practically tore her bathing suit off. She wrapped herself around Alex and slammed her down onto her back in the sand.

"Alex…Alex…I know you want to have sex on this beach…" Piper had slid her body over Alex's in what she hoped was a sensuous manner, but it was hard to tell, because they were both covered in salt water and sand.

"Speak for yourself." Alex laughed against Piper's lips. "I don't want to get sand in my snatch." Her hands gripped Piper's ass, pulling her closer as they kissed.

They had spent the day on the beach, eating and drinking whatever was delivered to them, but then Piper had started to feel a little off. A nap hadn't helped. Going to sleep at 8pm while clutching Alex's arm and tethering her to their bed hadn't helped.

"It's germ warfare. I'm being punished for not tipping well enough at the market yesterday." Piper had groaned the next morning when she'd awoken only to run to the bathroom for an hour.

The virus lasted another day. Alex organized their passports and identification, packed and cleaned, while Piper slept on and off.

"We'll come back babe." Alex reassured her when Piper's eyes welled with tears at the thought of leaving so soon. She didn't always know what to do when these shifts happened. Piper's incredibly privileged upbringing created both entitlement and emptiness, and one could never tell which would manifest at any given moment.

Prison Daze

During the night, they take an inmate away to psych. Who knows why. Whatever the reason, the woman screams and screams and sobs, asking again and again for a phone call because she's sure they won't tell anyone where they took her.

The injustice of it weighs on Alex. She'd promised herself to just keep to herself, to let shit just fall away like water off a duck's back. Two more years. Or was that three. She can't remember. It's definitely close to 4am when she starts to wonder, because the color of the sky outside does something to the dim light within. Or…maybe not.

There are always lights on somewhere. It reminds Alex of a hospital she stayed at once. They couldn't afford the bill, but Alex's aunt had insisted that they leave her there. Alex must have been 4 or 5. She'd been confused. And she hadn't slept well, because it was always too light.

Her mother had always had to work so fucking hard for her. Sometimes Alex just swallowed her rage and it turned into senseless tears at the thought of it.

Sometimes Alex puts herself back in that day. That day. That day when Piper left. She disrespected Alex's mother, because she didn't face the enormity of it all. And Alex's mom had fucking loved Piper.

And then, the day of the funeral. The worst day of all, even worse than when Piper walked out. Alex had fainted in the chapel and her aunt had given her a sedative later that night. It was a pretty good sedative. Not as good as the heroin she also had on her though.

And then she'd been alone. Alone with nothing but her grief to keep her company. And it was so much grief. Alex thinks about it now—how much grief there had been and how it's returning now, creeping up on her as she sits on this metal cot. She wonders if she's being punished by grief.

She'd sat in her apartment—_hers_, not hers _and_ Piper's any longer—and put herself into a drug-induced haze for days on end.

Six days later, there had been a dare. Not a deal, but a dare. Fuck her way out of the grief, that was her friend's (dealer?) advice. Alex had gotten an STD that required ridiculous amounts of antibiotics. The resulting infection then led to massive crying jags in the bathroom.

Alex wonders why she's always being punished for living life to its fullest. Because really, wasn't that her biggest crime? She'd just wanted to bring the woman she loved (loves) to places she'd never been. Alex had just wanted to fill that void that seemed (seems) always to shade Piper's expression, haunt her, dull her, just behind her eyes.

She sits up in her cot and stares at the wall now. The wall becomes a backdrop for her memories. She imagines a beach and an ill and feverish Piper, holding onto her in the night.

Alex remembers their home together. Making love to Piper in their bed, that first time after Piper first moved in, how Alex had drawn the word with her tongue against Piper's cunt. Love. A four letter word that made Piper shake and sigh and look at Alex with such care, like maybe…maybe she wouldn't leave. Maybe this was _it_. The _it_ they all talked out. Piper was it for her.

Piper still is.

2018

It's New Years Eve but Piper refuses to leave her apartment. She wants to keep studying for her exam.

So Alex checks out a few parties and then returns before midnight.

"No more booze, no more drugs, what's a girl to do on a Sunday night?" Alex leans against the door and looks Piper up and down. Her eyes are pure sex. She's wearing these fishnets that Piper wants to rip immediately. "Not even any sex. With anyone." Alex adds unnecessarily.

"You can come inside." Piper smirks and looks Alex up and down. Fuck her exam, this is way more interesting. Her ex-girlfriend turned secret lover turned ex again turned…whatever she is now…saunters in and Piper pulls her close, adding, "Oh. And good to know."

"That last part?" Alex asks softly.

Piper just nods and wraps her arms around those familiar broad shoulders, sighing with what feels like relief.

"Wanna play cards?" Alex's laughter is cut short by Piper's lips. She pulls away briefly and breathes out, "Happy New Years Pipes…"

They rush it all just a little. It's been so long, so speeding things up keeps them both from overthinking. Piper's clothes are easiest to remove and in the end, she's careful about Alex's fishnets, peeling them off slowly as she memorizes Alex's curves and skin and minute changes.

Before long, they're in Piper's bed. They kiss deeply, moaning into each other's mouths, deepening with each gentle thrust of their hips. Alex is between Piper's legs which are wrapped around her waist.

But then…

Then she pulls her hand away, cups Alex's face in them and asks, "should we really be doing this?"

"Oh. My. God. Pipes." Alex sighs and lowers her head to the pillow. Her arms tremble slightly. "I don't know. I mean. Yes. Yes?"

"You don't sound sure." Piper is beyond scared all of a sudden. She's sure that Alex will just bolt on her if she pushes too hard, but if she doesn't push at all…

"Hey," Alex's lips are soft but insistent, kissing her again and again. "I'm not going anywhere. Ok? We're ok."

"But I need to get back on my own two feet before we do anything." Piper mutters against the other woman's mouth.

"Ok. Let's just lie here then. We'll lie here and we'll plan. We'll plan our takeover of the whole crazy world." Alex gives her one last kiss and rolls over, wrapping sheets around her waist.

"Cover those also. Totally distracting." Piper murmurs, her hands cupping the air in front of Alex's breasts.

"Really? These? Since when do you like my boobs so much?" Alex frowns down at them but then catches sight of Piper's ridiculously lustful gaze and laughs her ass off.

"If and when we decide to sleep together again," Piper's voice is low and hoarse. She takes a moment then completes the thought. "I am going to worship those…just…worship…every single part of you…"

Alex's eyes tear up and then Piper adjusts the sheet around her and she calms again.

Planning for the next year involves Piper rushing about to find bits of paper and pencils for their various schematics. Alex gets up briefly and makes them a pot of tea. When she comes back to bed, Piper is chattering about the business plan she's been writing for a really complicated sounding private and publically funded job-share program. Their store is being managed by Polly, most days, but the job-share thing might work with it. She doesn't talk about her law studies. For some reason it's really important to keep that steep learning curve to herself for now. Her eyes trail lustfully over Alex's chest until Alex smiles amusedly and covers herself again.

At midnight, they kiss again, watching the ball drop on Piper's small television set, with the backdrop of loud parties just out the window. Alex's arms are warm and strong around her, hands rubbing slowly up and down her back.

Piper wakes the next morning practically falling off the bed. Alex curled against her during the night and pushed her closer and closer. Piper snorts, rolling her eyes at what a dork Alex can be sometimes. The toughest person Piper knows is also the cuddliest. She turns onto her left side and faces Alex, brushing a hand over her shoulder and arm until she splays on her back, sighing in her sleep.

She goes out and gets coffee and pastries, returning to find Alex still on her back, the sheet around her waist.

It's almost dizzying, how Piper's heart leaps strangely in her chest then…

"Hey." Alex's voice is even lower and more gravelly than usual with sleep. Her eyes are still closed but she stretches and struggles to open them.

"Fuck you're beautiful…I love your breasts, Alex. Really, really love them." Piper earns a thrown pillow for her sentiments, which nearly topples their coffee.

"Hey, remember?" Alex smirks at her. "You don't have to tell me until after I'm your wife."

"That joke is never going to get old."

"What ever happened to her?" Alex asks quietly.

"She's with her parents. There's a transition program they managed to get her into." Piper dips into her latte with just her little finger, swirling foam on it and licking at the sweet vanilla flavoring throughout. Then she bursts into laughter. "I got a vanilla swirl. In honor of almost having sex with you." She turns grinning at Alex who grabs the drink from her, takes a chug, and gives her a sloppy sweet kiss.

Then Alex laughs and leans in, kissing her gently again and again.

"You're so good to me." Piper whispers.

"Really? I got you thrown in jail." Alex rummages through the bag of croissant between them, avoiding Piper's eyes now.

"But what you did after. And what you did while we were in there together."

Alex just shrugs. Piper kisses her bare shoulder and settles against the headboard with a feeling of contentment.


	6. Chapter 6

2005

Sometimes Piper worried that she and Alex were living an elaborate illusion. And that things couldn't go on as they were. Vacations, parties, endless luxuries, passionate, endless lovemaking. Really. How could all of that last? But more than that, how could she see past it, to see herself or even to see Alex.

Alex was like a swirl of color at times. Lighting up Piper's day only to dim in the pale light of her computer and her bizarre work commitments.

There was an afternoon, when she let herself worry about their future together, and seriously knew—knew, instinctively—that they were never going to make this all work. There were going to be rough times ahead. It made her yearn for Alex even more.

Alex was out somewhere and Piper found herself taking a bath on her own just to soothe sudden fear. Afterward, she fell asleep on the bed in just her towel.

Halfway through her nap, Piper dreamt that she and Alex were on a beach. They were making love and the water was lapping at Piper's feet while Alex's tongue circled her clit. Piper kept looking back at the sky and wondering where it ended and why they were alone. She felt extra pairs of hands, not only Alex's, but someone else's. Someone else who had entered her life was also making love to her and goddammit if they weren't going to eventually replace Alex somehow…

When she awoke, she saw the top of Alex's head first. Her mouth was indeed on Piper's clit, sucking really, really gently.

Then Alex pulled away slowly, leaving cold space where there had been so much warmth.

"Noooo…don't go…" Piper moaned and shook. It felt very, very important for Alex to keep going.

"Oh, sorry, did you want me to continue?"

"Fuck you!" Piper moaned while Alex laughed.

"Be right back." Alex muttered against her belly.

"No, wait, please." Piper tried to grab at Alex's hands but the woman was damn slippery.

"I have to pee!" Alex shouted from the bathroom down the hall.

"You're a terribly selfish human being." Piper groaned and touched herself. Her clit was hard and she was soaked. She still felt uneasy from the dream. But Alex was back, maybe she could use sex to distract herself—to erase the dread.

When Alex returned, she paused and watched a moment before crawling onto the bed. "Yeah, more of that." She added with a smirk, "touch yourself. Show me how self-sufficient you can be."

"Pain in the ass." Smiling nervously, Piper said, "you're missing out, you know…" Self-sufficient. Right.

"Am I now?" Alex laughed. "I'll help you just in the nick of time. Keep going…" Her lips brushed over Piper's ear and she let her fingers trail over her thighs. Alex's arm slid behind Piper's shoulders, bringing her body closer in line with the woman splayed beside her.

Afterward, Piper held on as tightly as she could. Even as Alex slept, she gripped her around the waist and willed her fears to subside.

Prison Daze

Alex dreams that she's in the chapel again with Piper. She keeps teasing her lover, telling her what a bottom she is.

"A bottom?" Piper gives her the same look she'd given her through the window of the dryer when Alex got locked in.

"Yeah, a umm…pillow queen…" Alex scoffs at herself for being so stupid. But she keeps saying it, like she's testing Piper to take control—to be the one in control for once because goddammit, Alex is too terrified to function.

But then Piper grins like a Cheshire cat, lifts Alex onto the stage, and says something Alex can't hear.

"What?" Alex shouts. She's nervous. Scared. Piper pulls away and slowly starts to walk away. "No, please, wait, Piper I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to send you away. Please."

She's sobbing when she wakes. Someone whispers in the darkness that they'll send her to psych if she doesn't stop, so she clamps her mouth on her pillow and cries into it until the crazy feeling that her mind is slipping away—and that she'll never get the fuck out of this place—starts to give way to a cold rationality she might cling to.

2018

It's two weeks after New Years and Piper is working late on their store's invoices. Alex's imported art pieces and furniture have been augmented with Polly's soaps and they've started ordering in pottery from a particularly interesting studio in Vermont.

"Which is weird, right? The coincidences here?" Piper talks while she works and hums happily to herself as she takes note in a separate notebook, that they've received a high number of enquiries about the striking red decorative plates that the Vermont studio specializes in. She looks up to see Alex staring at her. At first, she smiles, charmed.

Then she sees the absolute terror in Alex's eyes and the shaking of her lower lip.

"Oh, hey, what is it?" Piper is next to her in a heartbeat. She palms the tops of Alex's feet, feeling how cold they are, and starts to rub warmth into them.

"N…n…n…nothing…" The last part hitches and Alex falls forward with a sob. A quiet, shaking, anguished cry—primal and heartbroken.

"Baby, please, baby…it's ok…I'm here…" Piper blinks, forces herself to focus on Alex's grief, whatever it is. She has work to do but…no, ok, ok, she has to focus. When Alex sees the distraction in her eyes, she lunges and holds on tightly.

They kiss. And it isn't as though they haven't kissed since Alex's release from prison, they have—a lot—but this feels different. Piper's lips slide sensuously against Alex's and she tries not to let the swipe of the other woman's tongue turn her on too much. Her hands steady them against Alex's face. It's about comfort. Not about sex. Certainly not about sex—not even when Alex lifts her own t-shirt off and moves off the window ledge, standing in front of Piper to strip fully.

"Oh wow. Ok…oh…ok…this is happening…" Piper nearly swoons from the rush of arousal against her clit, into her cunt, up through to the crown of her head. "Baby, are you ok? You have to tell me, because we have to make sure…mmmph!" Alex's lips are wet and insistent on her own again. Her tongue swipes the back of Piper's teeth, then she starts to suck on Piper's tongue, drawing a heated, helpless moan from the back of Piper's throat.

But for whatever reasons, Piper takes control. She feels like she has to, what with Alex flying apart at the seams right in front of her.

They end up in Piper's bed, where Piper pins Alex's hands above her head with one hand and strokes her with the other. She feels herself pressing so precisely and deliciously against Alex's mound, her own clit rock hard and twitching against the faint tickle of short hair. Bracing one hand beside Alex, she slips two fingers inside her lover. She fucks Alex carefully at first, then faster, grinding down with her palm and when Alex starts to moan her release, Piper grits her teeth and lets an orgasm take her over, humping briefly, almost embarrassingly wantonly, against Alex's hipbone.

"That…was that ok?" Piper asks breathlessly, head on the pillow next to Alex's. She's worried that they were supposed to do this differently somehow. With candles and wine and a romantic dinner.

"Yeah." Alex struggles to catch air. "That was perfect. Thank you." Her scent and the feel of her breath is so familiar that Piper stays close, shifts a little so less of her weight holds Alex down.

"Why are you smirking?" Piper asks, pulling back to look at her lover's face.

"Nothing. Just. Damn. You're such a top now." Alex bursts into laughter then, relaxing, almost as though something has left her. She's lighter somehow when Piper kisses her.

She can't stop touching Alex's sweaty, splayed out form. Especially her breasts. Piper gives a low groan and leans over to capture one nipple in her mouth while the other hand cups and caresses and each rounded curve. She can't stop moaning, moving back and forth with her tongue until Alex's arms fall to the side and she lets it happen.

And this isn't entirely ok. It's good. It's great, really. But it doesn't solve or settle anything.

Piper gets back to work half an hour later. She takes a quick shower first and then hunches over her invoices in just a towel while Alex makes them a late dinner of some kind of red sauce and pasta.

At one point Piper looks over her shoulder, watching the way Alex moves around in the small space. How she takes care to stir the sauce and how she cleans up after herself. Alex's eyes meet her and she smirks, about to say something sarcastic, when Piper blurts out,

"I love you. So much."

"Love you too, Pipes. Have some Puttanesca."

"What did you call me?" It's an old, silly joke, but it keeps Piper from bursting into irrational tears. She can't stop smiling at the realization—this is it. The punchline. The crescendo. They came through something major. And here they are.

"Here we are." Piper says at least part of it because part of it has to be shared with this woman she wants to share the rest of it _all_ with.

They sit at the small table where Piper has her work spread out, and eat in amicable silence.

"Maybe we can have both." Alex says, forking a pile of noodles and sauce into her mouth and chewing happily.

"Both of what?"

At first, she doesn't say. But when they finish eating, she jumps up to clean their dishes. Then she tugs on Piper's arm and pushes her carefully down on the bed again. She laughs as her hands peel away the towel. "I'm going to get you pregnant. I've decided that we can have babies and go to Cambodia. We'll bring our babies to the beach."

"We may have to compromise on the drug use part of it all." Piper moans and arches as Alex strokes her clit just the way she likes it.

"I'm willing to compromise." Alex shrugs and spreads her fingers, stroking the length of her lover's clit, dipping down and into her opening, just enough to get her vibrating and panting.

"Me too." Piper gasps, trying to keep up with the conversation. She spreads her legs wide apart and grips Alex's wrist. "I'll have just the one. Unless you want one also."

"No fucking way…" Alex kisses her way down Piper's body, stopping at her breasts.

"Oh. But the world needs more of these perfect genes." Piper laughs but she's actually totally serious and it shows in the way she looks at Alex.


End file.
